A Temporary Gift: Reflections on love, loss and healing

The book that keeps on giving

I’ve been wanting to read this book forever having read snippets of it on various social media platforms. I wanted to own the book and make my own notes and markers; annotate it in a way that rings true to me. The book was first published in 2015. Yet it was only five years later that I was able to read it as I got married, moved back and forth between countries, got caught up in my education and job and then had a baby!

Needless to say I was overjoyed when the book was made available in Qatar (Yes, COVID made me spend all my money on books!). The book was in my hands at the perfect time. COVID isolating us from our friends and family coupled with the cocktail of emotions I was going through after having a child was a recipe for disaster. Reading this was a form of therapy. Asma’s reflections on love, loss and healing left me speechless. Details of her personal experience coupled with verses from the Qur’an made this a very rewarding read. It’s been nearly seven months since I first read the book, but I’ve picked it up again and again looking for comfort; bookmarking page after page inserting note after note on the book that keeps on giving.

I will first summarize the contents of the book and then go on to explain why this book should be on your to read list along with a few of my favorite extracts.

Overview: The author and the book

Asma Hussein is famous for starting off ‘Ruqayah’s Bookshelf’ which was a blog in the beginning, but today is a publishing company that focusses on giving life to children’s stories with Muslim protagonists. “A temporary gift: Reflections on love, loss and healing” is her first book.

The book starts off with an introduction explaining Asma’s brief journey with Amr. Her unexpected meeting, her marriage and his sudden death. The book is then divided into eight parts including the epilogue documenting her thoughts and journey on overcoming grief while being a single parent. What I loved most about this book is that her thoughts are coupled with uplifting verses from the Qur’an and examples of hadith. It is for this reason that reading her book gives us a reason to hold on to a thread of hope in a rather dismal world.

For instance, something that resonated with me was Asma’s description of the uncertainty that overwhelms us in times of difficulty. Asma says

My mind comprehends that Allah (Swt) has a better plan for me than I could possibly have for myself. It's my heart though, that is having a hard time understanding how to hold and process all of this pain without bursting. (p. 48)

This is something we all struggle with. How do we go on when we are so overwhelmed with pain and loss? What should we do in times of uncertainty? Asma shares an extract from Ibn Al-Qayyim that states:

Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you, do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of Dua'a. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it. (Ibn Al-Qayyim)

This is one of many examples in the book on how Asma poignantly narrates her process of overcoming grief. Living during a pandemic, this is thread of hope that I fervently hold on to.

Favorite extracts

Like I said before, this book is a treasure trove of uplifting verses and hadiths. I keep on adding a bookmark every time I pick up the book. I’ve sent a verse or two to friends who are going through a difficult time. Listed below are a few of my favourite extracts.

It has taken me the greatest loss to truly understand that whether you are alive or dead, material possessions are absolutely worthless. They don’t give you what your heart truly needs in this world, nor do they come to your aid once you have died. (p.60)
When Allah tests you, it is never to destroy you. When He removes something in your possession, it is only in order to empty your hands for an even greater gift. (Ibn al-Qayyim)
People seem to think that love is borne out of grand gestures and perfectly-phrased poetic declarations when in reality it is the little gifts that make love last: a regular smile, a kind word of encouragement and yes – a chocolate bar. When you give gifts often, you are telling the person you love: My love is constant. I do not forget you, even we are apart. (p.124)
I’ve heard many people lamenting over their situations saying, “If only I had known,” but if you had known what hardships would come, you wouldn’t have ever striven to do something and be someone better…You would have sat at home, feeble and crippled by fear. (p.183)
Trusting in Allah (swt) means that your feet keep moving forward even when you cannot see what is ahead. It’s knowing that He will care for you, grant you the gift of courage to keep going, and never leave you to yourself even for the blink of an eye. (p.191)

Final thoughts

Throughout the book, Asma constantly reminds us why we need to hold on to our faith and turn towards God in times of difficulty. Why we need to persevere even when the odds are stacked against us. How the patient believer is rewarded by God in more ways than he can possibly imagine.

And in the end that is all that matters right? – paradise. A place that is both majestic and surreal, a place where all your desires are met. The only place where you can truly be at peace.

It is for this reason that I keep reflecting on this book. To remind myself that life in this world is temporary. A fleeting moment compared to the eternity of the hereafter. It was most definitely a refreshing read and I recommend it to anyone going through difficult times.